I just got home from a long ass day of work/haircolor correction (how you like me now, judge?). Hair is back to a proper dark-ish brown.  Had to be done. Oh well.

I haven't had much to write about. More accurately, there's so much going on. But nothing that needs to be said here. I feel this odd responsibility to not offend (my family reads this). Yet at the same time, I've done nothing in my life I'm irreversibly ashamed of,  so I don't really care about blabbing about nothing on the interwebs. It's really not that serious. I would much rather say the air-brained, nonsensical or vile shit I think about, online, rather than in person particularly, for instance, if I'm in front of family or people who otherwise find that inappropriate. Basically, 1) I already talk too much in real life, and 2) my mouth/humor is already at the saturation point for foul/crude. SO WHAT THE FUCK EVER who fucking cares what I say here?! The people who sit around and twist this shit to mean anything other than exactly what it says, are miserable and stupid.

In one sense, I don't find excessive "out-there-ness" to be particularly pleasant, but, fuck it, you find a niche to burrow in and speak your mind, and it slowly twists to, "how much do I censor myself?! FUCK!"  There are two useless, circular arguments you could start: first, that "people just don't understand me," and second, that it's not their job, I have to find some way to express myself that is easily grasped or accepted by others. Neither of these things are inherently true, but it's an endless discussion nonetheless. And at any rate, you go changing your method enough just to cater to someone else and your message is lost. You no longer have a self. You're a vehicle for whatever it is other people need to hear. I don't feel like it's other people's responsibility to "get" me, and I accept that most people won't. I also don't think it's my responsibility to change the way I process the world and return a response in a particular way just so someone else can "get it." With the exception of the necessary social and employment institutions, I DON'T FUCKING CARE. I think it is precisely the fact that I vent my weird frustrations, excessively crude humor, or overtly otherwise "unacceptable" musings here instead, so that I am still fucking allowed in public places.

This may seem like a tangent, unrelated to any specific event, or unprovoked. Currently, this statement is unprovoked. But having been in one way or another involved with social/modeling networks, writing/editorial and digital/online methods of expression and communication for ~10 years now, and particularly in light of a few recent personal events, it's something that has been at the back of my mind and bothered me tremendously. I think anyone goes through this at some point, in the process of being who they are or doing what they do. Anyone worth knowing, that is.

So excuse the seemingly unrelated side-rant, I had to digest this and shit it out. Now I'm done with it. I've said my piece on that. Flush it, new roll of toilet paper, we're ready to go. 10-4

Porn, Christianity, The New York Times, McDonald's, the malt liquor isle, or people's blogs... Same shit. If you don't like it, go somewhere else.

Love and Party Time,

XO