• Levis & Chucks
• Ben Davis/ Dickies & Vans
• Pencil skirts & heels
• If people say they don't pee in the shower, they are lying
• Not anticipating mistakes... is your first mistake
• The world doesn't owe you shit
• Party Dolphin likes to party
• Life is hard, but life is really hard when you're a f--king idiot
• Maguro is an essential food group
• "But that's the way we always do it" is almost a guarantee that you'll just keep sucking
• Your dentist and eye doctor are important, they can figure out and/or prevent so many other things before they go terribly terribly wrong
• The new "beverage" machine sucks; good thing we still have a soda fountain*
• Getting fancy is fun
• There's a reason your mom told you never to run with scissors--and running down the hallway with a French (chef's) knife, past your boss, and around a few blind corners is pretty much the same thing

*Subject to knocking on wood